People Pleasing at Work: How to Know When It’s Helping or Hurting

People pleasing can feel like part of the job sometimes. You want to be helpful. You want to avoid conflict. You want things to go smoothly. But when pleasing others becomes your default mode, especially at work, it can drain your energy, blur your boundaries, and deepen ADHD challenges.

If you read our previous blog Breaking the People‑Pleasing Cycle: Setting Boundaries with Confidence, you know where people pleasing comes from, why it’s so hard for ADHDers, and how saying “no” can feel scary. This blog builds on that. It zooms in on what pleasing behavior looks like in a professional setting, how it can quietly hurt you, and how to walk the line more consciously.

September 2025, Rebecca Branham, ADHD Coach @ Agave Health

Why People Pleasing Often Gets Stronger at Work

Many people with ADHD struggle with self‑esteem, fear of rejection, and impulse control. At work, those can show up as:

• Always saying “yes” to extra tasks, even when your plate is full

• Volunteering for responsibilities beyond your role, because you want to be seen as a team player, competent, or helpful

• Avoiding saying “no” because you fear being judged or feared as uncooperative

• Overworking or staying late, trying to “prove” your value

• Not asking for recognition when you deserve it, because you prefer being helpful over being visible

All of that feels like trying to fit in. But trying to fit in constantly can lead to burnout, resentment, or feeling unseen for who you are outside of your work output.

When People Pleasing Hurts More Than It Helps

Here are ways that people pleasing in work settings often backfires, especially when ADHD is part of your life:

• Your tasks pile up because you’re helping others at the expense of your own priorities

• You say “yes” too often, then feel resentful, exhausted, or behind

• You burn out emotionally more quickly because chronic stress plus unspoken boundaries equals overwhelm

• You undercharge or avoid asking for promotions because you worry you’ll be seen as selfish

• You lose track of what you really want, because you spend more time trying to meet others’ expectations

These are signs you might be overextending in the name of pleasing.

How to Tread That Fine Line: Practical Workplace Strategies

Here are some concrete steps to help you please others without losing yourself, drawing on boundary setting, self‑awareness, and ADHD‑friendly habits.

1. Revisit Your Boundaries at Work

Use your work setting to test boundary practice. For example:

• Identify one type of request you often accept but that drains you (extra tasks, meetings, last‑minute changes).

• Commit to saying “yes, after I check my schedule” instead of immediately agreeing.

• Practice the wording you’ll use ahead of time, like “I’d like to, but I need to finish this first” or “Can this wait until after this deadline?”

This ties directly to Breaking the People‑Pleasing Cycle, which suggests clarity around limits and communication as key first steps.

2. Use Agreements and Clarification

It helps to clarify expectations with supervisors or colleagues:

• Ask for clear job descriptions or role boundaries

• When tasks are added, ask “Which of my current tasks would you like me to deprioritize so I can take this on?”

• Get deadlines and scope in writing so you can manage what you commit to
  

Clarity helps reduce mental load. ADHD brains benefit when expectations are explicit.

3. Build In Recovery and Self‑Checkpoints

People‑pleasing often leads to overcommitting. To avoid that:

• Schedule short breaks after intense meetings or demanding tasks

• At the end of the day reflect: What requests did I agree to? How did they align with my priorities? How did I feel?

• Use these reflections to adjust the next day
  

Self‑checkpoints create awareness and avoid accumulating an unbalanced workload.

4. Practice Assertive Communication

You do not need to be aggressive to set boundaries. You can be kind but firm. Some strategies:

• Use “I” statements: “I can’t take this on right now.” “I need more time to complete this.”

• Be polite and direct. Boundaries communicated clearly are less likely to be misunderstood.

• Allow for negotiation when possible, but don’t compromise your well‑being

What to Expect When Changing Work Pleasing Habits

Changing how you respond at work takes time. It may bring up discomfort, guilt, or worry about how you’ll be perceived. That is normal. Some realistic expectations:

• You might feel awkward or uncertain at first when you say “no” or set a boundary

• Some colleagues may push back or test those new limits

• You may feel internal resistance or shame—old people‑pleasing beliefs often live in your mind long before they change in your behavior

• Over time, you will likely feel more respected, less drained, and gain clearer sense of what you want and need

Resources to Support Boundaries, Self‑Awareness, and ADHD at Work

These are trustworthy resources to help you learn more, build skills, or find additional support:

• ADDitude Magazine articles about boundaries, emotional regulation, and ADHD in the workplace

• CHADD for executive function tools and boundary‑setting strategies in ADHD

• Understood.org for practical tips on advocacy, communication skills, and managing overwhelm

• Psychology Today directory for therapists who specialize in ADHD and boundary work

Final Thought: People Pleasing Can Be Rebalanced

You don’t have to abandon kindness or helpfulness to protect yourself. People pleasing is often rooted in genuine care, but when it compromises your health, productivity, or sense of self, it stops being helpful.

Treading the fine line is about learning to say “yes” when it aligns with your values and energy, and saying “no” when you need to. It is about balancing your output with your capacity without guilt.

At Agave Health, we believe you deserve to work in a way that honors your limits and shows up for your goals. Let’s lean into boundary confidence together.