Agave's Coach Brittany Sulkin shares all the good vibes for this new year, declaring it the year of Self-Compassion. We're all in for it! Read on for the top three tips to follow to make this your year.
January 2023, Brittany Sulkin, ADHD Coach @ Agave Health
Tell me if this sounds familiar:
It’s late December and you feel the New Year peeking around the corner. You're excited and all hopped up on holiday cheer. Amongst this enthusiasm you feel hopeful for what’s to come. You decide you’re going to make a New Years resolution and actually STICK TO IT for once and for all this year. You make a big goal and tell all your friends and family. Maybe you even put it on your social media to tell the whole world.
…And then it’s 2 weeks into January and your whole elaborate plan has fallen through. You wonder where your motivation went. You notice the voice in your head getting meaner and meaner. You start saying things to yourself like, “What’s wrong with you?” and “You’re a failure.” You are reminded that some version of this happens every year. This only furthers your self-shaming until you decide to pretend it never happened. Except when you have ADHD, this often lurks below the surface, the frustration of wondering if you can ever follow through on anything.
What if you put that away this year? What if instead of setting some improbable New Years Resolution, you make this a year of self-compassion? After all, self-compassion is an important foundational building block for confidence and well-being.
"Embrace the basics of putting yourself first and join me in declaring 2023 the Year of Self-Compassion."
You may be thinking to yourself, “That sounds nice, but what does that even look like?”
Well, here are 3 ways you can start. 1) Make it a point to learn about the ADHD brain. There are a variety of reasons for why it can be challenging for us to stick to long term plans, no matter how well-planned out we think they are. When we understand what's happening, we open ourselves up to greater kindness for ourselves.
2) Unlearn shame as a motivational tool. Listen, I’ve been there and I get it. Many of us picked up the destructive habit of ridiculing ourselves into action. We’ve taken “tough love” too far. The reality is that shaming ourselves doesn’t actually work, and the science is there to prove it. Perhaps pick up a Brene Brown book or two to learn more.
3) When you feel tempted to pick up shame, put it down, and pick up curiosity instead. Reconnect with your inner wonder. Try to look at your situation with fresh eyes. Instead of asking "What's wrong with me?" try on "What ingredient was missing for my success?"
Simply put, embrace the basics of putting yourself first and join me in declaring 2023 the “Year of Self-Compassion.” This year is about us, the real us - not the version we think we should be, or others’ expectations of us. This year is about welcoming who we are, giving ourselves the love and tools we deserve. This year is about looking at ourselves in the mirror and allowing ourselves the chance to make mistakes, and rise up again. This, my fellow ADHDers, is the year of self-compassion.