Making Friends as an Adult with ADHD: Why It’s Hard—and What Can Help

Remember when making friends was as easy as “Wanna play?”

As a kid, all it took was a shared swing set or favorite game. But as an adult—especially one with ADHD—it’s a lot more complicated. You want connection, but you get stuck overthinking. You mean to follow up, but time slips away. And when you finally do socialize, it leaves you wiped out.

You’re not alone—and you’re not doing friendship wrong. ADHD just brings a different set of challenges to the table.

Let’s look at why it’s hard—and how to make it a little easier.

Why Making Friends as an Adult with ADHD Feels Hard

Adult friendship takes time, energy, and follow-through—three things that ADHD often complicates.

Here are some of the common roadblocks:

⏳ Time blindness and inconsistent follow-through

You meant to text them back. You were excited to hang out. But time slipped away, and now it feels too awkward to reach out.

💬 Social anxiety and rejection sensitivity

That one weird moment you replayed all night? Or the unanswered message? ADHD can make you second-guess everything—even when nothing’s actually wrong.

🧠 Executive dysfunction and working memory issues

You forget their birthday. Or their dog’s name. Or the plans you just made. It’s not that you don’t care—it’s just that your brain is juggling too many tabs at once.

😮‍💨 Burnout from masking

Trying to seem “normal,” remember social scripts, and manage sensory input can leave you totally wiped after even brief interactions.

What Can Help: ADHD-Friendly Approaches to Making Friends

You don’t need to fix your brain to make friends. But you can find strategies that align with how your brain actually works.

1. Start Where You Feel Like You

Instead of trying to blend into generic social circles, seek out spaces that align with your interests, strengths, or quirks. ADHD brains thrive in environments that feel energizing, not performative.

Look for recurring, low-pressure opportunities to connect, a crafting circle, a book club, or a community fitness class. Repetition builds comfort, and shared interests give you a natural starting point.

When you show up somewhere that already values what you bring to the table, connection happens more easily, and friendships feel a lot more sustainable.

2. Make initiation easier with tools that work for you

Set reminders to check in. Use voice notes if texting is hard. Create a list of people you want to keep in touch with. The goal is to reduce the mental load, not force yourself to be someone you’re not.

If starting conversations feels awkward, you’re not alone there either. Small talk can be especially tricky with ADHD—check out our post on ADHD and Small Talk for tips on how to keep interactions genuine and manageable.

3. Be honest about your ADHD

You don’t have to lead with it, but sharing that you sometimes forget to reply or need downtime after socializing can prevent misunderstandings and build trust.

4. Adjust your expectations for what friendship looks like

Not every friendship has to be constant or deep right away. Adult friendships can be seasonal, situational, or slow to grow, and still totally valid.

And when those friendships start to deepen, you might find yourself wondering how to be a good friend, too. We’ve got you covered in 5 Ways to Be a Better Friend to Your Non-ADHD Buddies.

5. Don’t skip the boundaries part

Healthy friendships require clear boundaries, especially when you’re neurodivergent and managing limited social energy. If you’re not sure how to set them without feeling guilty, our guide on Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Platonic Relationships is a great place to start.

Final Thought: You’re Not “Bad at People”—You Just Need a Different Path

You’re not too flaky. Or too intense. Or too behind.

You’re just someone with a differently wired brain trying to make connections in a world that isn’t always built for you.

Making friends with ADHD might take longer. It might look different. But it’s absolutely possible—and worth it.

The more you embrace how you show up in relationships—curious, passionate, honest, maybe a little scattered—the more likely you are to attract people who love you because of your uniqueness, not in spite of it.

You don’t need a hundred surface-level friendships. You need a few good ones with people who get you. And those people? They’re out there.

💡 Want support building real connections—without burning out?

At Agave Health, we offer:

• ADHD coaching to help you develop practical strategies for initiating and maintaining friendships that feel good to your nervous system.

• A CBT-based Social Interactions Program designed to reduce anxiety, improve confidence, and strengthen your communication skills.

You’re not too much. You’re someone worth knowing—and we can help you connect with people who see that, too.