ADHD and Anticipatory Anxiety: When “What If” Takes Over

Have you ever noticed that the anxiety before something happens feels worse than the thing itself?

Maybe it is a meeting later today, an upcoming trip, a hard conversation, waiting on test results, or even a weather event. Your body feels tense, your mind keeps running scenarios, and no amount of logic seems to calm it down. Then, once the moment finally arrives, the anxiety eases or disappears entirely.

For many adults with ADHD, this experience has a name: anticipatory anxiety.

And if it feels overwhelming or confusing, that experience is real and valid.

What Is Anticipatory Anxiety?

Anticipatory anxiety is anxiety that shows up before an event rather than during it.

It is often driven by:

• Uncertainty

• Lack of control

• Imagined outcomes

• The pressure of having to cope later

Instead of reacting to what is happening now, your nervous system reacts to what might happen.

This anxiety is not irrational. It is your brain trying to prepare and protect you.

Why Anticipatory Anxiety Is Common With ADHD

ADHD brains are especially sensitive to anticipation because of how they process time, emotion, and uncertainty.

This can show up in several ways:

• Time blindness

  Future events can feel constantly close, even when they are days away.

• Difficulty holding uncertainty

  Not knowing what will happen can feel physically uncomfortable.

• Emotional amplification

  Anxiety signals often register louder and faster.

• Mental rehearsal as safety

  The brain tries to predict every possible outcome to feel prepared.

• Low trust in future capacity

  There may be a fear that you will not cope well later, even if you usually do.

This is not overthinking for the sake of it.

It is a nervous system looking for certainty in a world that rarely offers it.

How Anticipatory Anxiety Shows Up Day to Day

Anticipatory anxiety does not look the same for everyone. It can show up as:

• Constant mental looping or running scenarios

• Over-preparing or excessive planning

• Avoidance or procrastination

• Doom-scrolling or repeatedly checking for updates

• Irritability, shutdown, or emotional exhaustion

• Trouble sleeping before events

• Physical symptoms like tension, headaches, or fatigue

Many adults with ADHD notice a pattern: Once the event starts, the anxiety drops.

That contrast can feel confusing or even invalidating. It does not mean the anxiety was fake. It means anticipation was the hardest part.

Why Reassurance Alone Rarely Helps

When you are stuck in anticipatory anxiety, being told “it will be fine” often does not help.

That is because anticipatory anxiety lives in the nervous system, not logic.

Trying to reason your way out of it can increase frustration or self-blame. What helps more is supporting your nervous system in the present moment.

What Actually Helps When “What If” Takes Over

You do not need to eliminate uncertainty to feel calmer. You need ways to reduce cognitive and emotional load.

Here are some ADHD-friendly strategies that focus on regulation rather than reassurance:

Contain the worries

Write everything you are worried about in one place, once. This gets it out of your head and signals to your brain that nothing is being ignored.

Limit planning time

Set a short planning window, such as 30 minutes. When time is up, stop. More planning does not always equal more safety.

Anchor to today

Ask yourself: What actually needs my attention today?

Not tomorrow. Not the imagined version. Today.

Name the anxiety

Saying “this is anticipatory anxiety” can reduce its intensity. Naming creates distance.

Reduce information intake

Once you have the basics, step away from updates and speculation. Constant input fuels uncertainty, not clarity.

A Reassuring Truth

If your anxiety eases once something begins, that does not mean you were being dramatic or irrational.

It means your brain struggles more with waiting than with doing.

That is a very real ADHD experience. You are not weak for finding anticipation hard. You are responding to how your brain processes uncertainty.

When Anxiety Shows Up Before the Moment

At Agave Health, we see how often anticipatory anxiety affects adults with ADHD. The stress builds ahead of time, the mind spins, and the waiting can feel harder than the thing itself.

ADHD coaching can help people build steadiness in these moments by supporting emotional regulation, reducing mental spirals, and creating routines that make high-stress situations more manageable.

The goal is not to eliminate anxiety entirely.

It is to help you feel steadier as it moves through you.

If “what if” thinking takes over before events, transitions, or disruptions, you are not being dramatic or irrational. You are navigating anticipation with an ADHD brain.

If you want to learn more, you can explore ADHD coaching at Agave Health or download the Agave Health app to see how coaching and tools work together to support regulation and follow-through.